I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
