Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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