Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
