i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
