Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
