i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
