I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
