i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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