I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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