Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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