When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
