Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
