if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
