it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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