Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize