She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i drank out of a bidet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
