so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
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I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now