the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old