We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together