I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me