i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
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Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone