I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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