They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
