Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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