Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
