Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
