I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
