She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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