Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can you bring me the toilet please
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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