Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
