Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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