I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
