I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
