Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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