they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
