just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
