you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
