you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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