My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
