I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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