I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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