I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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