Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
