just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
