Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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