i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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