I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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