She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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