I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
