My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We have started to decorate penises.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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