In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
