Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
