"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
time to smoke my breakfast
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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