we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
