3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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