So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
