So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
