We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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