I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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