he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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