the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
