yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
